Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only way to open a pack of toilet paper is to fingerblast a hole through the plastic in one of the roll holes
The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.