Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Always have a goal. Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.