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Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!