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Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!