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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
Just noticed there`s no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of βgoing to the gym in 2014.β
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.