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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do