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Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
Do people with cats not know about dogs?
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...