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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel. The police call it “Indecent Exposure” but whatever.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
Do angry people know about naps?
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.