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Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.