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cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
exercise........you mean extra fries
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...