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"We`re pregnant!" -people who don`t understand science
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.