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Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.