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My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
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Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business