Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.
Iām not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.