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Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?