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When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
This is a lousy dating site.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.