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Partying on my level requires years of training.
It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
"Size DOES matter", I whisper to my double stuffed Oreos.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.