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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.