Daily Silly Status

Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.

Worries about the economy grow again after the world`s biggest yacht-selling company announce a drop in sails

I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”

How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to

Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.

Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.

Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.

Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.

They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.

So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!

An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.

Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.

Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"

I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.