Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
Spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.
Those friends who like and at the same time unlike my statuses please you`re increasing my blood pressure!
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.