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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.