Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dieting is for the birds. Which is why you hardly ever see a fat bird.
If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.