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If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
This recliner and I go way back.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control