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First fart at my new job.
I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
Life`s short ... Drink fast