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If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.