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Don`t let the door hit you on the way out ... Hell, who am I kidding, I hope it hits you and knocks you down the f*cking stairs.
If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.