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Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D