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I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
Iām pretty much always down for a snack.
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
The less you know, the more you think you do.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...