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Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?