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If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
You know it`s time to get a girlfriend when you masturbate in different positions
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?