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I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.