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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrea.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.