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I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
How do I tell a man he loves me?
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.