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At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.