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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
Dear Rebecca Black, you are the most beautiful And prettiest girl in the world. Don`t let the haters get you down. P.S Forgot to mention today`s opposite day.
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?