Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)