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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls.
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
I put the PRO in inappropriate!