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The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
It`s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your sh!t together, every other vegetable.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D