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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I`m afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.