Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
Hello is this HP? Iād like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.