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Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.