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They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.