Daily Silly Status

HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T

I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."

If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.

Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.

Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?

My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.

Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.

“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie

Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|

I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.

Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.

Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen

Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?

Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.