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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
At least a stalker is there for you.
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.