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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls.
Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.