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I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?