Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.