Daily Silly Status

Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account

You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.

Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago

It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.

I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.

How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?

I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.

Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo

I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.

I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!

You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.

I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.

If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.

Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.

You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.