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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.