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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
I had your cake and ate it too.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.