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As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.