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I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
What idiot named it a mugshot instead of a cellfie?
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets