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I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
What am I taking to the Family Thanksgiving feast? Tupperware.
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?