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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.