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A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button