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You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
Like if you really googled to see if that kid really died from masturbating
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents