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Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.