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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.