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Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
Iām not getting old. Iām becoming a classic.
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."