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A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
This recliner and I go way back.
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session