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Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
Marriage is for quitters
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she`s gained weight.
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.