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All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
I make a great second impression.
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.