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I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”
I remembered my wedding anniversary today. It was last week.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.