Daily Silly Status

I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.

If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.

You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.

If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.

Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.

One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.

My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?

I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.

Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......

No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.

My house has really let itself go.

Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!

I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun... "Dean, what are you doing this weekend?" "That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should." "But what are you doing?" "What I`m g

Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. They are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”

Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.