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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
just keep scrolling nothing to see hear
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.