Daily Silly Status

Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.

Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?

Cashiers are always checking me out.

Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.

Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!

If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals, you probably shouldn`t invite me over.

I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.

HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"

I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".

I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.

Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.

Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.

I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.

Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.

There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.