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I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
One trenta cheeseburger please.
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car