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This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
If I am home alone, there`s a 99% chance I`m naked.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.