Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.