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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?