Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
If you get excited that jumping on the bed won`t spill the wineglass on the other side, you`re probably an alcoholic.
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!
Anything is legal when there`s no police around