Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.
status uploading
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.