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Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.