Daily Silly Status

I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.

I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.

Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.

A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....

Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!

I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.

Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.

Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.

When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found

If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.

I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...

50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.

I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.

.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.