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You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
There were 2 muffins in a muffin shop the first 1 says "I love being a muffin!" then the 2 muffin says ``Holy crap its a talking muffin!"
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!