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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.