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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
I like people the most when I`m by myself.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up