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Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.