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Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point