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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
"You`re better than that" is almost never true
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.