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My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.
Do you really have to breath that much?
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.