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Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.