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Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist