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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
It`s not cellulite, it`s my body`s way of saying "I`m sexy" ... in braille.
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.