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I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
Sometimes you just have to logout...
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.