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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, poverty can’t buy you anything.
I wish bedtime was all the time.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.