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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.