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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
I really just need a vodka cranberry and a slap on the a$$. Hold the cranberry.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats