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Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.