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Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.