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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
Caught myself yelling "F*CK YOU" to my burrito for dripping on my pants, if you were wondering who`s raising the next generation.
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
The word bed looks like a bed.
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
The future was so much cooler in the past.